Short Cummings Audio

by Kevin Cummings · · · · 5 subscribers

Life in six-minute slices. Every episode features a new funny story. Think Erma Bombeck with a PC, Dave Barry with recording software or Garrison Keillor with a microphone... Oh, wait. Strike that last one. If you enjoy clean humor and a slightly skewed perspective on family life (I have two teenage sons...of course my life is skewed-up) please give this show a listen.

Sponsored by: www.GotoMyPC.com/podcast Who doesn’t love a trip to the zoo? Well, probably the animals for whom it is a one-way trip, but that’s not really the point. The point is that you get to spend a happy, lazy day eating junk food and wandering past neat rows of tiny …
Sponsored by: www.GotoMyPC.com/podcast After an extensive examination, the doctor concluded that my wife wasn’t right in the head. Aside: my wife is glaring at me with a look that could blister the paint on a battleship. In the interest of avoiding incineration, let me provide a some context. The doctor …
In this age of heightened security, I’ve heard that the authorities might be monitoring the telephone conversations of ordinary citizens like me. If they are listening in on my cell calls to my wife, I have two words for them. Good. Luck. Really. Our conversations are non-linear in the same …
176 #176 — Feeling My Age Oct. 24, 2009
My lawnmower is gone. He moved away to college. With his departure, my wife and I took off the business casual clothing of active parents and slid into the comfortable shorts and Hawaiian shirts of empty-nesters. And you know what? It’s weird. Really. In the evenings, we no longer have …
175 #175 — Editorially Speaking Oct. 17, 2009
American daily newspapers are dying in record numbers. Where once these magnificent beasts roamed the plains in great herds, now they have been hunted nearly to extinction by the railroads. Oh. Wait. That’s the buffalo. Nonetheless, newspapers really are dying. If your local daily was a guest character on a …
The history of modern professional sports is a real Cinderella story; a genuine David-and-Goliath fight between the teams on the one hand and an apathetic public on the other foot. Every team out there gives one-hundred-and-ten-percent every time the sun shines just to prove that they’re the team to beat …
173 #173 — Legally Speaking Oct. 3, 2009
The Great American Pastime is, of course, taking people to court. No, I’m kidding. The Great American Pastime is baseball; an event in which small teams of highly skilled and carefully trained individuals convene in a specially-designated location to compete by following a complicated set of rules under the watchful …
172 #172 — Higher Education Sept. 26, 2009
After we finished installing our youngest son in his Freshman dorm room, he pushed us out so fast he nearly strained us through the keyhole. He hustled us off the way your immune system rejects a disease, the way a sovereign nation rejects an invading army, the way Jennifer rejected …
When my dinner arrived at the table it looked less like food and more like evidence in an arson investigation. “I can’t eat this,” I said. “The pork chop is completely burned.” “Not all of it,” my wife said. “Just cut away the burned part and eat what’s left.” “What’s …
170 #170 — I’m No Expert Sept. 12, 2009
Experts are the bodybuilders of the intellectual world; except its harder to spot them in a crowded room. Body-builders stand out because they are tanned and fit in the exact same way that Mount Everest is not small. Their distressingly unnatural proportions make it tough for them to fit into …
I’m a big fan of sky-diving…so long as it is undertaken for the express purpose of escaping from a paralyzed airplane which is hurtling ground-ward. On the other hand, leaving a perfectly functional aircraft mid-flight would be disrespectful to the hardworking engineers, technicians and flight crew who are dedicated to …
168 #168 — Dubious Improvements Aug. 29, 2009
Later this year Microsoft will release Windows version seven. After nearly a decade-and-a-half in development, this new software package promises to give you the same smooth, hassle-free experience as Windows 95. As with the release of any new operating system, the arrival of Windows seven is exciting the geek community …
167 #167 — Now Hiring Aug. 22, 2009
Job interviews are the business-world’s equivalent of speed dating. Based on a brief conversation, hiring managers are supposed to select the candidate with whom they expect to have a long-term relationship of forty or fifty … months. The employer is expected to make a binding commitment to this person until …
166 #166 — Meeting of the Bored Aug. 15, 2009
Things sure have come a long way since the Dark Ages. A few centuries ago we’d all have been living in a kingdom where any autocrat could summon all of the peasants into the castle for a meeting at a whim. At the same time, if two of the local …
I am utterly reliant on odd assortment of inventions, devices, gadgets and gizmos; so long as the technology holds out, I’ll be fine. In my imagination, I am a survivor-type whose courage is a match for any calamity. In truth, I’m a technologically-coddled coward who whimpers when the DVR misses …
Let me share with you my secret shame; I like action movies. I enjoy spending a couple of hours with a big, goofy, enthusiastic film that substitutes explosions for plot and has a soundtrack loud enough to induce brain damage in inanimate objects. My years of sitting in darkened theaters …
I’ve seen a disturbing number of significant family birthdays and anniversaries this year. My youngest son turned eighteen, my oldest son turned twenty-one, and I turned old. My wife, annoyingly, has remained as youthful and beautiful as ever. She claims this to be the result of clean living, a good …
162 #162 — Bridegroom Boot Camp July 18, 2009
Listen up, maggots. You’re here because you’re going to get married soon and it’s my job to see that you do it right. There are plenty of things out there that can endanger a marriage; apathy, infidelity, the inability of the male to share the remote control. I only have …
161 #161 — Missed Diagnoses July 11, 2009
During the recent influenza outbreak, news broadcasters switched into hilarious panic mode. Night after night they talked excitedly in the manner of newscasters in classic Japanese monster movies. “Swine flu has been sighted outside your town and is headed your way! It will destroy you and your family! You must …
160 #160 — Space Invaders July 4, 2009
Right after our honeymoon, my wife moved into my apartment. In theory I was in favor of living under the same roof with my new bride; in practice dividing up the living space required extensive negotiations that continue to this day. Part of the problem was the apartment itself. In …