Short Cummings Audio

by Kevin Cummings · · · · 5 subscribers

Life in six-minute slices. Every episode features a new funny story. Think Erma Bombeck with a PC, Dave Barry with recording software or Garrison Keillor with a microphone... Oh, wait. Strike that last one. If you enjoy clean humor and a slightly skewed perspective on family life (I have two teenage sons...of course my life is skewed-up) please give this show a listen.

159 #159 — Routine Housework June 27, 2009
As a bachelor, I subscribed to the belief that cleaning house was like going to war; it was to be conducted with forethought and seriousness of purpose, and only when no other alternative could be found. Cleaning with any kind of regularity would have interfered with vital activities like re-watching …
Having children is like signing up for an eighteen-year stint on a quiz show. Day in and day out you’ll be peppered with rapid-fire questions the way shooting gallery ducks are pelted with BBs. Even before your children can speak, you know that they’re storing up questions so that their …
This past weekend my wife and I decided to replace our counter-top microwave with an over-the-stove model. We had three good reasons; 1) the old microwave no longer worked, 2) we wanted to reclaim our counter space, and 3) we were idiots. When we bought the microwave at the local …
156 #156 — Puttering Along June 6, 2009
I am not good at doing nothing. Sitting idle isn’t for me. I’m not happy unless I’m doing something. Hearing that, you might think that I’m a paragon of productivity; a man on the move; someone who gets things done. You would be wrong. I’m a putterer. While some men …
155 #155 — A Better Mousetrap May 30, 2009
The United States is a nation of inventors. Leave us alone with some tools for ten minutes and we’ll start inventing right then and there. We’ll invent so hard that we might sprain something in the process. But that’s a risk we’ll have to take because we’re deeply, deeply committed …
154 #154 — Domestic Policy May 23, 2009
You have to pity the modern American business leaders. Right in the middle of the economic equivalent of the Great San Francisco Earthquake of 1906 they have to spend all day, every day focusing on their core competencies to design customer-centric win-win solutions while going forward to grab the low-hanging …
153 #153 — Small Talk May 16, 2009
As a general rule, I avoid any situation where I might have to engage in extended small talk with complete strangers. This includes parties, mixers, networking events and my annual physical. It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s just that I’m as well-equipped for small talk as an M1 …
I’m ashamed to admit it, but in college I played the field — a lot — with many different majors. At first I was young and idealistic and thought my future lay in Computer Engineering. That dream soured when I discovered that Computer Engineers had to understand complicated mathematics like …
151 #151 — Short Answers May 2, 2009
My son isn’t speaking to me anymore. Instead he texts, tweets and updates his Facebook profile. From what I can infer, he’s doing fine. I have trouble understanding his messages because I’m not fluent in “text”. Unlike him, I’m not a native speaker. He makes fun of my text messages …
One of the most traumatic episodes of my adolescence was my break-up with Carrie. For a brief time, she was the center of my world and I thought only of her. It didn’t last. I should have known it would never work; she was older, more attractive and completely unaware …
149 #149 — Glandular Problems April 18, 2009
According to Mr. Tovey, my high school biology teacher, the human body is controlled by a complex set of interconnected organs called glands. For example, you have the adrenal glands; small, timid, and easily frightened organs that panic at the first sign of trouble. Imagine that you’re sitting quietly, letting …
148 #148 — A Taxing Situation April 11, 2009
Every April I’m called upon to account for how I spent the previous year; how I spent taking care of my dependents, how I spent paying off my mortgage, and how I spent on a whole laundry list of other tax-deductible items. Fortunately, in the interest of making this as …
147 #147 — ACTing Up April 4, 2009
Getting your child into college is no easy matter. Your offspring’s prospective future alma mater wants to know that your kid is up for the challenge; that they’re ready, willing and able to commit. They want proof. They want to see your credit report. Not really. College administrators are certain …
After twenty-three years of marriage, my wife and I have lost the ability to finish our own sentences. Unfortunately, we’ve never gained the power of reliably finishing each other’s sentences. A typical conversation over the dinner table has more gaps than a six-year-old’s smile. My wife starts strong with something …
145 #145 — Keeping Up Appearances March 21, 2009
An awful lot of folks are angry at the American banking industry and they are expressing their outrage by way of obscene gestures, foul language, and poorly-spelled letters to the editor. The government, sensing the restless mood of the public is responding by giving huge piles of crisp new dollar …
Despite the fact that I am a fully-qualified High School graduate with more than two decades of actual post-high school life experience, the vast, shadowy educational conspiracy has never asked me to speak at a graduation. They’re afraid of what I might say and they were right to fear. Given …
143 #143 — Too Many Clowns March 7, 2009
The problem with most jobs is that they involve actual work which is tedious and difficult and dull. That’s why they have to pay you to do your job. Even without understanding the details, small children realize that most adult careers have all of the dynamism and excitement of mandatory …
142 #142 — Malled Feb. 28, 2009
Last weekend I went into unfriendly territory on a difficult mission; I went to the mall to get my watch battery replaced. When I was young, the mall and I were practically inseparable. I thought our love would stand the test of time and we’d be together forever. Sometime around …
I don’t have to tell you that the economy is in bad shape; that’s the job of the talking heads on the TV news. Every half-hour the round-the-clock news drones come on to report that the economy is still in bad shape. If the economy was a broken-down car, the …
The difference between an argument and a fight is the difference between a border skirmish and a full-on invasion. An argument is the sort of impassioned discussion you see in the U.S Congress when it comes to hot-button topics like Bioethics, Campaign Finance Reform, and whose turn it is to …