Cell Phone Operating Systems

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Often, I sit down with eight fingers on the middle row, and not a damn thing other than a messy sneeze can get them active. They say - the royal they - they say that in order to be a writer you must simply keep writing. Marvelous, thanks they. The …
When hired at the agency where I shared space with an indomitably patient Irishman, little did he know that my presence would eventually correlate to his daydreams involving elaborate suicide. I’ll save you the backstory for this multifarious ride, the job, the people, the locations and all the things. This …
You don’t simply experience Casa Bonita, Casa Bonita is thrust upon you. The restaurant, tethered to our realm in Lakewood Colorado, translates from the Spanish directly into “Beautiful House,” or “Oiled Beef.” The place is organic, breathing in and out, its tendrils plunge into your mind the second it’s name …
If the internet browsers Firefox, Safari, and Chrome are your chiseled jaw pioneers - convertible cars and pitch black hair that never moves, then Internet Explorer yields more the image of an elderly gray sweater sitting in the corner, throwing offered spoons of cornmeal across the room in a wet- …
Dark noir flows over New York, the swath of tonight’s brush is wide and grim. The 18th amendment has passed, and with it the cessation of all robotproduction - if it makes you toast it’s permissible, but if it reminds you to pick up more bread at the grocery - …
There is a program we’re able to watch on our collective radio-with-pictures boxes, and it’s aptly dubbed Unsolved Mysteries - a show that literally accomplishes nothing. It comes on, peels your eyes open, then pours a slurry of nightmares into your tender ocular meats, all while playing a synthesized theme …
We are at the precipice of the “adult book store” for a generation who grew up with Nirvana as make-out music; we the pastel thinkers, we the children of the flannel button-up. In Colorado, legend goes, there’s a medical marijuana dispensary (read: retail outlet) to match every Starbucks in-state serving …
Plodding to face the bathroom mirror completely in the nude wasn’t the issue, it was the pinch in my right elbow that encouraged me to consider other dimensions in space-time. The routine for years has been an unknowing homage to whatever pasty large Aryan toe heads I share ancestral DNA …
“Money is the reason people say they leave a job, but culture is the reason that money became an issue.” - Merlin Mann, Time & Attention![](http://feeds.f eedburner.com/~r/TheWaywardIrregular/~4/o1hktFXbIT4)
A quiet hush, a me-ma-me, and a clearing throat - all wisps slicing the quiet preparation behind the curtain. On it’s other side things are vibrant and full of life - youth dancing and feasting in celebration of another happy season, these things take so long year to year. The …
Having freelanced for a goodly set of years now, I’ve been required to scrummage a chicken bone or two from the mighty internet machine phenomenon known as Craigslist. If you aren’t familiar with what exactly Craigslist is - allow me to lay the information over your brain in moist strips …
A quick note: The following work of fiction is a conclusion to part one, the tale of a rubber thumbed recluse named Mr. Friendly. As before, it’s a little more dark than the fare you may be accustomed to from your humble author, so I’d like to caution the more …
A quick note: The following work of fiction is a little more dark than the fare you may be accustomed to from your humble author, so I’d like to caution the more sensitive readers / listeners. Maybe skip this one if you’re squeamish, have problems with violence, or are nauseated …
“I’d have to say, well, nachos,” said Kay, sitting in the guest chair and looking at her feet. She peers over the notepad in her lap, and ponders the toes of her shoes. “Red wine too, but you can’t kill yourself as fast with chips and cheese.” I thought for …
It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times. The dates, somewhere where the end of the nineties dropped cocoon and developed the colors of the dos-thousands, and the setting, your average college metropolis with a majority of the population likely under legal drinking age. Third Eye …
Not long ago I spent an afternoon like a situational comedy unemployed father figure, sitting in the office amongst my miscellany and looking at things that traditionally only receive the occasional dusting or replacement on the shelf when bumped. I pulled out an old video camera I had purchased many-a-moon …
On my first date with my wife all those not-millennia ago, the evening progressed better than could be expected, and at roughly three in the morning we fell asleep in each others arms. Now, take that warm fuzzy feeling I’ve just gently placed in your belly - hold it and …
I’ve penned with, to those who know me, alarming regularity about how I have become aged well beyond my years due to my career as a freelancer. That reads far too noble on first glance, as in reality I mean my prior statement not in reference to any degree of …
(Music in this episode provided by the marvelous talent, Allen Masterton.) I feel it’s of utmost necessity to prelude this particular tale with due and proper forward. I am a married man. My wife is a sharp-featured beauty who’s tiny sprite-like existence in comparison to my enormous frame would rightfully …
You know the classic question, “What superpower would you have?” - or more precisely, “If you had to choose between the ability to fly, or the ability to be invisible, which one would you choose?” I think I finally have my answer. I’d want to be able to fly. I …